edda Lettuce, who’s been entertaining us all season, twice weekly, at Cherry’s, took to a different stage, one with a proscenium, at the historic Community House, for a very different, but to her fans, still familiar show, “Hedda Lettuce: Big Queen Small Throne,” under the auspices of the Arts Project of Cherry Grove, on August 8. She was assisted here by Paul Leschen at the piano and together they performed nearly a dozen original, witty and earthy songs, which they had written together, interspersed with comic commentary about whatever she chose to cast a gimlet eye upon.
Hedda at once introduced herself and seduced us with “(I’m the) Queen of Green (and everybody loves me),” with Paul contributing vocal backup in addition to pianism. The diva commented trenchantly on her current accommodations at the Grove Hotel—which, to those who don’t know, burned down in the spring; the stratospheric prices at the market and the tense atmosphere at the ice cream parlor; and the refined Pines—and its habitués’ absence of body fat—versus the more easy-going Grove. She kibitzed with audience members, like Rose Levine, Panzi, Cobra, Lavinia Draper, Todd Erickson, and me, and suggested to Pines Invasion Founder Panzi that, “Next time, we bring machine guns” or, far more lethally, “We’ll bring carbohydrates!”
Hedda disclosed her humble origins in Pigeon Tit, Tennessee, and discussed her leafy green family members, then segued into a sad, but lilting, country ballad, “So buy the bearded lady another drink,” inviting the audience to sing along with the refrain. After entertaining questions like, “Is that your real butt?” and “When does the movie start?,” she continued with some sexy Hedda realness and reassurance that “The carpet match the drapes.” Hedda’s sentimental salute to same-sex marriage was a holiday carol explaining, “I got my lover a black baby this Christmas … It’s the perfect Christmas gift for the perfect man.”
La Lettuce shared that one milestone in her decision to give up alcohol came when she found she’d “end[ed] up on the A train, completely naked, playing the bagpipe—and I don’t play the bagpipe!” and another came when an old queen, drinking nothing but seltzer, at Splash, advised her, in an inspirational anthem, “You can’t drink with a dick in your mouth,” complete with sing-along.
Paul sang snatches of a couple of songs—“Ooh, Baby, Baby,” “Black Velvet”—while Hedda changed from flowered pink into blue. Hedda then held forth about the “moody vagina” versus the “dumb” penis and sang wistfully of the “colors inside my mind”—makeup colors, that is—in her youth and the parental punishment that followed. In a catchy number, Hedda offered her firm rule for tricks: “(You can touch me anywhere, but) Don’t Touch My Hair.” She compared old-fashioned cruising with today’s tendency toward texting, leading to her rueful country song, “You Only Text Me When You’re Drunk.”
Hedda has referred to a compulsion to do impressions of Cher as “gay Tourette’s,” so she couldn’t help but take a moment to sing Suzanne Vega’s “(My name is) Luka” and the “It’s Slinky” jingle as Cher might. In revival meeting mode for the grand finale, Hedda led the faithful in a lively sing-along of “Jesus Take the Wheel (’cause I’m too drunk to drive),” healing us all with “the power of drag,” and after receiving not only roses, but also a most valuable lettuce bouquet in apt tribute, sang us out with “The Drag Queen Blues.”
Catch Hedda Lettuce at Cherry’s on Sunday nights at 11 and Tuesday nights at 10.