With Cherry Grove’s annual Independence Day Invasion of the Pines imminent, ‘camp counselor’—that is, director—Matt Baney and the Arts Project of Cherry Grove (APCG) celebrated the Invasion founder and Invasion leaders past and present, Cherry Grove’s Homecoming Queens (HQ) of the past three dozen years, with a campy show entitled “Legends IV: Camp C.A.M.P”—standing, apparently, for Cacophony of Artistically Maladjusted Performers—at the Community House on July 2. In keeping with this season’s APCG theme, “Summer Camp,” the representative sample of HQs in the show played Campfire Girls—experienced far beyond their tender years.
The rollicking show that we saw was, we were told, a talent competition for our precocious kid Queens. Coco Love, assisted by Margo’s singing voice, wrote a letter home to complain about camp in a variation on Allen Sherman’s “Hello, Muddah, Hello, Faddah”—sung to the opening music from the Dance of the Hours, from Amilcare Ponchielli’s “La Gioconda”—replete with raucous Cherry Grove references. Presenting himself as “the new scoutmaster,” in an original song, full of double entendres about Judy Garland Park—that is, the Meatrack—and so on, Dan Daly saluted his “Troop 69,” “the troop for the impaired,” consisting of Scarlet Oh!, reigning HQ YaNeeda Dunes, Beach DeBree, Lola Galore and Donna Piranha, who demonstrated their motto, “Always be prepared,” by flashing packs of condoms. Bella played a butch lesbian football coach, ‘Beast,’ who confided, “My fanny pack is full of dental dams.” A glamorous Urban Sprawl vowed, “If I can’t sell it, then I’m gonna sit on it, ’cause I ain’t gonna give it away,” well-remembered as one of the late Dixie Thomas’ red-hot mama numbers.
Cobra, the perennial card girl, made several crossovers, with signs like “Is this the Doctor’s show?”—almost, but far raunchier—and “Has anyone seen Victor?”—sure, two rows behind this writer. Ariel Sinclair, as the plainer than plain camp librarian, sincerely serenaded her dildo with “I love you, I honestly love you”—would that happen in a Doctor’s Fund Show!? Scarlet Oh! caught Timothea dancing too merrily and helped her into a straitjacket. Ever our own Queen of England, Timothea exited with great dignity, singing Edward Elgar’s “Pomp and Circumstance” march, “Land of Hope and Glory.” Angela Mercy, obviously one of the ‘fast’ girls—scorned—spat out, threateningly, “You drive around town with the guy I love … I’m gonna get you!” For the first act finale, Doreen Rallo, Philomena, Donna, Matt, Bobbi Green, and Invasion Founder Panzi, portrayed intrepid swimmers—shouldn’t someone have warned the first row that we were going to get wet?
To kick off the second act, Scarlet Oh! led us in singing “The Beaver Song”—our part? a refrain of “ch-ch-ch-ch” and the climactic line, “It’s beaver time!” Going from beavers to chipmunks, Matt introduced the next scene with, “She’s a little showstopper,” who turned out to be Panzi as “Bridget the Midget,” leading an audience participation number in that voice you would get when you played a 33-1/3 rpm record at the speed of a 45. “Thank God Panzi’s not in the front row!” read Cobra’s next card. Lola played a Motown bumblebee, gushing, “You’re my honeybee (come on and sting me).” Charity and Donna started what seemed to be a sisterly performance of “It’s Raining/Enough Is Enough,” but which quickly degenerated into a study in sibling disharmony: “This is the last duet,” they vowed, and ended their disco medley in a flurry of wig snatching and hair pulling.
Sylvia Shapiro, known as Legs Labohn when she was HQ, injected a moment of seriousness with a seriously angry, seriously proud “I Am What I Am,” and Philomena, a lady in red, urged us, to a Latin dance rhythm, to “Take it or leave it—or leave it alone.” China, who appeared when the Queens were first introduced, rejoined the cast for the finale, “Dancing in the Streets,” but there was a P.S., as Bella announced that the winner of the talent contest was: not one of the Campfire Girl Queens after all, but Valerie Perez, crowned with a tiara, to music from the Triumphal Scene from Giuseppe Verdi’s “Aida!”
Kudos to the crew, which consisted of Martha Pitkin and Ellen Biggers, Arthur Cohen and Michael Romanelli, Eileen Alley, Alison Brackman, Kathy Morroni, and Sherri Rase.