Come On, Barbie, Let's Go Party: Matt Baney's "Legends" Salutes Grove HQs & "Superstar" Doll

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Come On, Barbie, Let's Go Party: Matt Baney's "Legends" Salutes Grove HQs & "Superstar" Doll


by Bruce-Michael Gelbert \|

photo by Bruce-Michael Gelbert

Aida Herring (MattBaney) & cast
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"Legends III: Superstar Barbie," directed by 'St. Olaf Lingonberry Festival Queen' Aida Herring/Matt Baney for the Arts Project of Cherry Grove, at the Community House on September 5, saluted, at once, the Grove's beloved Homecoming Queen's and Mattel's celebrated 50-year-old doll and proved to be a show full of fun and surprises. Making an entrance in Viking Valkyrie gear, attended by Denise Harbin and Alison Brackman, to the music of Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyries," Matt, later spelled by Bella, introduced the numbers, as some HQs contributed star turns and others made cameo appearances.

After the presentation of the Queens, pianist Dan Daly portrayed a clueless cowboy, come to our community in search of a bride and querying, "Why are all the girls in Cherry Grove so doggone queer?" in a bawdy, original number, with the participation of some of the HQs mentioned by name in it. Bella, glamorous as the second act MC, hid her light under a bushel at first, looking frightful as Susan Boyle, before the makeover-oh, those teeth like toppling tombstones-belting out "I Dreamed a Dream," from "Les Misérables."

A svelte and athletic Margo (HQ 2008) assured us that, "I told you I was trouble, you know that I'm no good." Angela Mercy (HQ 2000, as Good, with Freeta Chews, as Plenty), toting a riding crop and sporting lethal-looking red heels, declared, "The female of the species is more deadly than the male." Philomena (HQ 1990) proffered, as Matt put it, "her own interpretation of a camp classic"-"I'll plant my own tree"-and, with Panzi (HQ1976 and '77), enacted a campy scene between Helen Lawson and Neely O'Hara, from "Valley of the Dolls." A glittering China (HQ 2001), who doesn't generally perform, showed off "those rocks," her jewelry, in "Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend." Ariel Sinclair (HQ 2002) delivered her latest, greatest hit, an anthem not for the staid and stodgy, "My vagina is eight miles wide," with Lorraine Michels and Roger Cortez assisting as backup dancers. Cobra, who has insisted that she doesn't "do numbers," acquitted herself quite well, as she offered "I'm Still Here." Reigning HQ Urban Sprawl in drag, male drag that is, shared that "You don't have to be rich to be my girl," with Coco Love (HQ 2006), Lola (HQ2007), and Margo as the girls who made "him" drop "his" pants.

Attended by Martha Pitkin, Panzi remembered late mate and leatherman Max Killingworth with "My Heart Will Go On and On," in what seemed like it would be a moment of pathos, until it turned riotous as, with the aid of hits from a helium tank, her voice ascended higher and higher into the stratosphere. After feigning blundering into a speech from "Hollywood Confidential," last month's show, dignified and white-wigged Timothea, who also rarely does numbers, strutted her stuff to a quirky version of "I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar," definitely not as sung by Helen Reddy, until "Doctor" Joan Van Ness/Scarlett Oh! (HQ 1994) cut her off to escort her back to the asylum. Latin beauty Lola, in flamenco red and black, vamped us with "I Will Survive" in Spanish. For "Mambo Italiano," Ivanna Cocktail (HQ 2005) wore the red, white and green of the Italian flag, including a red-and-white-checked-tablecloth skirt (until she stripped down to something glitzier), and carried a picnic basket full of pasta and other goodies. According to our Mistress of Ceremonies, Sylvia Shapiro, who reigned as Legs Labohn (HQ 1995), was our first "Glatt Kosher Homecoming Queen, but," Bella confided, "she eats a ham sandwich at my house." Sylvia, as Ann-Margret, bade farewell, in succession to 30, 40 and 50 years of age, to the tune of "Bye, Bye, Birdie" (i.e. "Bye, bye, 30"). Coco, assisted by Joan, confessed that "Pink is my new obsession," her boa and bustier bearing that out. HQ 2003 Charity's number, "Big, Blonde and Beautiful," from "Hairspray," might have been written with her in mind, and she milked it for its fullest measure of innuendo.

Before the finale, Bella pointed out that "Barbie and Ken kept company for 43 years, but never married," which led into Lorraine and Roger's "I'm going to be your party doll" and our feminist HQs, including Juanita (HQ 1989) and Donna Piranha (HQ 2004), asserting, "You Don't Own Me."

Alison, Craig Williams, Michael Romanelli, Sherri Rase, Arthur Cohen, Martha, and Wendy Lewis served as tech and stage crew. Harold Seeley and George "Will" McGarvey designed the sets.

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