Into the Pines Kitchen contains 200 recipes from 100 contributors, including Pines notables Scott Bromley, Gilbert Parker, and Hal Rubinstein. As a nod to bygone days, the book also features a posthumous contribution from John Whyte, one of the Pines' founders. The book includes original photography of the island from Pines artists William Karam, Mark Lonsbury, and Barbara Sahlman. •More About this Book»
"Drag Queens Can Cook-Recipes to Sync Your Lips Around" is a new cookbook, being sold for a tax deductible $25, created by doctors and life partners Rick Byrd, PhD, and Patrick Fratellone, MD, as a benefit for the Elmer A. Lindsay Memorial Medical Center, the Cherry Grove Doctor's Fund. •Read More»
Ellen De Generes & her mother, Betty
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The quandary parents of gay children find themselves in cannot be overstated. How prepared are they to provide the special needs, understanding and support their gay children require? What are they to do, to think, and how should they act? Positive examples are rare to nonexistent. Parents like Cher, Dick Cheney and Ronald Reagan, to mention but a few, have all given diverse scant and negative public recognition to their children. With the exception of Ellen DeGeneres' mother, Betty, I can think of no one who has handled the sexual orientation of a gay offspring with any amount of dignity or pride. Whether it is shame or ignorance is not the question. The question is, whose responsibility is it to deal with the dilemma: the child's or the parent's? As difficult as it is for parents, it is part of the adventure of having children. Fifty years ago researcher Jess Stearn wrote "The Sixth Man," a book in which he stated that one in every six men was homosexual. Maybe you thought it could never happen in your perfect family fantasy, but your children are born the way they are born. If you don't deal with them you are asking them to take care of you, instead of the other way around (the way God planned it). Parents blame themselves, or their children's friends, or bad luck. Yet most avoid the signs, shut down, and sadly leave the kids to figure it out alone.
Children are intuitive: they feel when the parental relationship changes. They instinctively hide their struggle, even when they don't know what it is. Parents unwilling or unable to cope with the issue of their children's confusion are usually content to ignore their child's withdrawal. "Maybe he'll grow out of it; maybe she'll change when she gets her period." Don't ask, don't tell is not original to Bill Clinton. Almost all gays have instinctively had the impulse at first to fool, then to fear, and then to save parents from their awful secret.
Ideally, parents should know before children exactly what's what. When my mother "found out" about me, she was devastated. I was 16 and had been wearing boy's clothes for 10 years. Who had she been looking at? I ran away from home with my girlfriend. Leaving home was as bad as being gay. She said I had to come back and I said I couldn't, I was gay. She said, come home, be discreet and don't make people laugh. My brother was fine with it. In fact, he was protective. My father said, "Just don't come home pregnant." What took so long? Homosexuality just never came up.
It seems the question of homosexuality in families defies resolution of issues like, "What did you know and when did you know it?" Parenting is not easy and taking the time and emotional risks to provide the atmosphere for healthy, nurturing family relationships is essential for everyone. The closet door swings both ways and nobody wins if somebody loses.
Every gay person I know has a coming out story, a moment in time, as if there were no process involved, just one day you're fine, the next, you're not. No amount of contribution to humanity seems to erase the stigma preempting the talent, genius, generosity, and integrity of our artists, teachers, writers, soldiers and children. So, when we are young, we fear, and when we grow up, we fight. If we didn't have to fight for your love, we wouldn't have to fight for our rights.
Parents: ask yourselves the following questions-Do you admit your child is gay? Does your child know you know? Do you think being gay is a choice? Do you think being gay is great fun? Do you think it's your fault that your child is gay? Do you think you can cure your gay child? How? How much do you think your acceptance would mean to your child? What would it mean to you? How would your life change? Do you take it personally? Is shame more important than love? How much opportunity for happiness do you think is available for gay people? Do you love your gay child?-and consider availing yourselves of the resources that PFLAG-Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (www.pflag.org) -can provide.
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